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Hamburgers Jackpot
Hamburgers Jackpot is a profesional e-fed wrestler and movie star. He was on the verge of becoming a major star in the sport before suddenly retiring to make movies. To date he has starred in 217 films and counting. He recently has made a return to the ring with the DOUG FIR promotion to somewhat less than favorable fanfare. Back Story Not much is known about the background of Mr. Jackpot. It is rumored that he recieved his name while in Japan. The story is that he was named by Takahashi Kikosan in an attempt to give him "the most American sounding name ever". He adopted his trademark purple and green mask in Mexico, supposedly found in a box of unwanted masks just lying around backstage in an arena somewhere in Mexico City. He made his American debut in 1985 as the highflying masked man Hamburgers Jackpot, wrestling in various federations in Texas, Tennessee, Georgia, and Florida. He had several high profile matches against such legends as Dusty Rhodes, Ric Flair, Arn Anderson, Magnum TA, Tully Blanchard and others, thrilling the crowd with his airial display. But shortly before he was to be offered a contract with the NWA he suddenly retired, instead focusing on a movie career like his childhood hero El Santo. Parts Unknown Productions Soon after retiring Mr. Jackpot started up Parts Unknown Productions, a home for the films he would write, direct, and star in. He rounded up a small posse of actors and crew to create the pictures he wished to make. Immediatly after the completion and debut of his first film "Hamburgers Jackpot & The Swamp Amigo" it became very clear that he had absolutley no talent whatsover for making movies. Each successive film got more bizarre, outlandish, confusing, and all around terrible. His movies were universally panned by every major film critic in the country and were shown only in grade Z theaters and drive ins. It is in those theaters, however, where the true audience for his films would be found. College kids, punk rockers, geeks, and other people who appreciated bad cinema would flock to the theaters to check out Jackpot's latest catastrophe to huge fanfare. He became a cult figure with the underground scene, completley unaware that his stardom is purely ironic. With a newfound sense of purpose he continued to create his terrible movies which were welcomed and consumed by his fans with vigor despite their overall crumminess. Some of the frequent things usually found in a PUP film include: :*Plots that are confusing, contradictory, or simply don't make a lick of sense in the slightest. In "...vs The Mutated Weirdos" the mad scientist Dr. Heathcliff Fink genetically mutates frogs to become amphibious (frogs are amphibious by nature) by inserting gills (which would really make them fish). In "...Takes On The Entire Planet Of Neptune" it is revealed that bullets have no effect on the aliens, then two minutes later a character shoots an alien dead. :*Shoddy editing. In "...And The Drunken Samurai Of Fillmore Falls" you can hear the director yell cut and a few seconds of the actors milling about before the next scene starts. Often times when the scene calls for an explosion they simply edit in the exploding outhouse from the opening credits of The Dukes Of Hazzard. :*Bad acting. Reaccuring character Sgt. O'Malley is infamous for fudging up his lines with many pauses, stuttering, and "umm"s. Kansas City KC, the usual love interest, has a bad habit of looking directly into the camera, going off script, and mugging it up. Professor Phozfate, the scientist character, strokes his beard while delivering pseudo babble that is supposed to sound intelligent but makes no sense whatsover. :*Awful special effects. A majority of the monsters are guys in suits from the costume store. Also, the time travelling device from "...Goes To The Old West" is clearly a waffle iron with some buttons glued on. :*Inserting old footage of Jackpot's matches from the 80's and passing it off as current. It is clearly obvious that Jackpot has put on 20 pounds since the 80's. :*Basic spelling and grammatical errors. The title screen of "...vs The Mutated Weirdos" reads "Hamurgers Jackpot vs tHe Mutateded Weirdo's". In "...vs The Phantom Of The Soccer Net" nobody can pronounce the word "catastrophe" correctly. :*Scenes that go on for too long. "...Gambles With The Riverboat Gambler" features a twelve minute poker scene. "...In Denver Colorado" features an eight minute scene of the main characters attending a basketball game. DOUG FIR With his movie business in full stride, Jackpot decided to make a full fledged comeback in the beginning of 2007. He aired a series of vignettes, always stating he was the star in his latest picture, claiming that he has returned to dazzle and amaze the crowd with is high flying, arial manuvers. But when he had his debut match vs Jackson Jackson it became very clear that Jackpot was completley out of touch with the wrestling audience of today. No longer satisfied with high cross bodies or basic drop kicks the fans booed Jackpot, which confused him immensely. Every match the crowd would voice their disapproval for the dated ring work that Jackpot had to offer by chanting the now infamous "PLEASE RETIRE!" mantra that happens in every single one of his matches. Jackpot, in a rare moment of clarity, saw that he had to update himself and vowed to do so in his big PPV match vs Trevor White. Unfortunatly his attempt was a failure as his attempt at updating himself consisted of watching a single episode of RAW from 1999. Coming out to Limp Bizkit, wearing an Austin 3:16 t-shirt, and doing DX crotch chops while telling the crowd to "come aboard the ho train", Jackpot was booed the entire match, which he lost rather badly. After that he tried to update his look, adopting kick pads (which he accidentally wore backwards) and an insignia on his tights (a jumbled, misguided attempt at a tribal design that one fan described looking like "a plate of spaghetti with a puffin sitting in it") but still the audience voiced their displeasure. He even vowed to the fans that he will stun them all by unveiling his brand new signature move, The Shooting Star Splash (sic) with an alleged sixteen rotations. Needless to say, the move has not been seen, or even attempted in his matches as he usually gets knocked off the top rope whenever he tries it. During his comeback he has had only minor success, getting victories over jobbers but losing to anyone higher up on the card, and is very worried about never getting over with the fans like he seemingly does with his films. Then, as a shock to everyone, he was selected by the super popular female competitor Oceanic to be her tag team partner vs The Humble Gods at the upcoming PPV "The Official Verdict Is In: No One Gives A Shit". It became clear during the match why she selected him, as he put on the best performance of his career. Although the Gods won the match in shifty fashion, Jackpot began to reestablish himself as a hero. The only thing he needed was a villian, which the Gods are. After the match he was confronted by egomaniacal underachiever Orange Peel Face, who claimed that Jackpot is a has been and a joke. Jackpot will face OPF soon on the Saturday Night Wrestling Fix. Signature Moves :*'Five Elbow Drops In A Row' :*'Shooting Star Splash' (An alleged SSP with sixteen rotations. This move has never been done.) :*Top Rope High Cross Body Block :*Dropkick :*Flying Shoulder Block :*Head Scissors :*Figure Four :*Back Suplex :*Hiptoss :*Armdrag Trivia :*He wears a full body suit and mask, purple on the right side and green on the left side and a pair of white boots. His mask has a white basic face pattern. He wears a silver sequined cape to the ring. :*His entrance music is "Bernie's Tune" by Curley Hamner/Milt Buckner :*No one knows his real name, age, or where he's from. The only clue is the PO Box for Parts Unknown Productions is in Milwaukee Wisconsin. :*Of his films "...vs The Mutated Weirdos" is considered his "best". The least popular is "...Meets The Man From El Paso", since it's the one that makes the most sense logically. :*He has never been seen without his mask on. Ever.